It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i believe in u and ur pee
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
