my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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