I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
