hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize