My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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