every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
