i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
