hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
