life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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