girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
