hotel room ftw
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
