I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
