I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
