I heard we made out
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
