oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
