If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
