I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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