my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
