Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sorry about my life...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize