it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
