sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
