your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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