So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize