just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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