I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
