this beer tastes like vomit already
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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