WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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