Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
