i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
