You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
