Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
