Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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