So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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