i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
