she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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