Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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