So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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