I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
