Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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