So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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