Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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