I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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