so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
