We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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