8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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