i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
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