I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
