just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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