I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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