I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
