my phone needs a breathalizer
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
