How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He better not be in your backpack
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
