I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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