She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
