You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
