Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have already put on my inside pants.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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