I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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