Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
