I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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