I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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