OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize