i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
