I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
