Do you still have your period?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
