He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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