when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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